-rests head in hands-

I was wondering something. If I did something out of the blue to a friend, would that wreck our friendship? Like, lets say you gave your friend a hug that you've never hugged before... would they freak out at you?

And as I was thinking this I started up on my whole scenario of 'I'm never going to love so why bother?' I started talking to a friend and shes like you shouldn't need to worry about this, but when the fact is I do. I feel so left out, and so clean. I feel so..... bubbleized. Is that a word? Today was interesting but random urges just kept popping into my head. Like I wanted Pocky (not the first time and I still have a box), and I wanted to go jump off a cliff... -shrugs-

In Becca's post she said she wanted just a minute to feel something she never felt before. True fear or true happiness. Well if she thinks that, I think I want it too. But then I want to feel true embarassment. I mean everyone can feel embarassed at times, but I want to feel the real horrible kind.

Like the one where your going to say a speech infront of thousands of people and you don't have any notes with you and you totally forget it while your standing there. Or like, when you kiss someone that doesn't like you...a real quick peck but its infront of all your friends and you end up running away in sheer terror on what you had just done.

I now have a book of poems, which I'm writing in. Most will be emo ish, but many will probably be happy too. And if you don't apprieciate or if you judge by what they say and not the real meaning behind it... you are insane and shouldn't judge people like that. -shakes head-

Well, I must be off.

Ciao for now, m'loves.